The Suicide Note

I am not holding anyone responsible for what I have done, nor am I blaming anyone who may happen to be reading this. Furthermore, I want to avoid any feeling of guilt or upset. There was no way you could have saved me, nor was there a way you could have possibly known; My mind has been set and I was determined to achieve this end result. I disguised my plans quite well, I just needed to find the right time and the right way, and now that you are reading this, it seems that I have found it.


I don't want anyone to feel that I did this because I was weak and tired, no I just felt out of place, like a burden, or more like a failure; constantly feeling hopeless and more often than not, experiencing loneliness. But the feeling has been, until recently, quite blunt... And to think, the only thing that has stopped me attempting suicide earlier was the feeling of uncertainty... Once, I believed that things would get better, but then adding to that, I hated the thought of waking up to the knowledge of a failed suicide attempt.

There came a time when I felt unsure if I wanted to do this, whether this was the right way out... I was taunted by a burning question buried in the back of my mind, why should I struggle? I was scared to discover who I really was inside. It seemed that the 15 years that I lived through have shaped my thoughts into suicide; nonetheless I have grown a lot, not just in height but in maturity aswell. I have been through ups and downs; gaining and losing friends along the way and most importantly, learning who my real friends are. But that didn't help me keep strong, surely all that I have gained was a little bit of wisdom.

It came to the point where, without a lie, I could have been optimistic but I was just tired of making everything seem like an opportunity, and acting as if everything was worth it in the end. Yeah, sure it might get better but chances are that it will not. In the end, we realize that trying to impress someone or oneself usually ends up giving quite the opposite result, and so seeing this effect, I decided to stop trying.

I lived out my life caught in a lie; keeping mostly to myself; hence why I haven't told anyone of my upcoming plans. I guess I was afraid to burden them with the feeling of guilt. Just know that the only person to blame for this is me; as there is only so much that one person can take.