She drifted away after making her hang on and giving her assurance to believe in me. Last we were together, we hugged and kissed and didn't want to let each other go... in a moments notice, she was gone. Mind changed within an instant, without any official closure. This happened a few times, she would go away and after repeated calls she would say, "I didn't want to contact you anymore, because I don't want to be talked into coming back." This time I'm afraid she's gone for good.
I thought we were getting somewhere and she was prepared to hang on during my separation and divorce. Each time she drifted away, she came back closer and let me in more. A couple weeks ago she cried and admitted she wish we could be open and not have to hide, meet her family, her friends and be a normal couple. My heart sank and dreamed of this day. And reality hit me how badly I am hurting people.
It was one of the best 5 months of my life, I never feel this hard for someone so quickly. I just curse the forces beyond me, why did it have to now? She will move on, she will find someone single and have the normal life she seeks. I've lost any ambition to love again and will drag on with my boring / meaningless life.
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